A Christian news website has listed seven methods for Christian mother’s to delay giving birth in an attempt to give birth to the ‘devil’s son’. Here’s how it goes, in case you are a mother in labour right now…
1. Keep your legs crossed until midnight has passed.
“As your demon child willfully pushes and kicks, causing your lady hole to dilate to the size of a drainage pipe, keep your knees locked together at all times. This will give your demanding child a wonderful, early lesson that he can’t always have his way.”
2. You could have got the doctor to induce the birth prior to today.
“The most reliable method to get a mother to go instantly into labor is to jump in front of her when she least expects it and scare the dickens out of her.”
3. If you hit the day, keep the child in a chicken cage guarded by two hogs.
“If one of the hogs starts grinning and snorting, prancing about, or just plain acting full of the Devil’s business by emptying its bowels all over the hospital floor, get it out to a lake and drown it as soon as humanly possible.”
4. Check testicles for signs of the Evil One.
“Creation Scientists have observed that the so-called “taint” (the disagreeable area between the genitals and the anus) is where demons are most likely to post messages for each other.”
5. Put your kid in the care of Creation Scientists for experimentation.
6. Sell your child for Creation Science.
“Our laboratory and research center will pay $18 a pound (17 cents a pound for mixed race infants) for any child under the age of 6-months.”
7. Buy yourself a large Korean wig .
“June 6, 2006 is no time for a pregnant woman to be walking around looking like a young boy, lest she be mistaken for Mia Farrow.”
