Fellow readers, I know Oziz was down since the 15th of July. That’s a long time, I know. Sorry! It’s just that a certain someone left for Spain and the whole world went into chaos. We apologize.
I’ve been meaning to post, but seeing as to how I wasn’t allowed to do so, I’ve had to hold it in all this time.
Moving on.
Did anyone happen to watch the Miss Universe pageant on Sunday? Why, you ask? Because if you did, you would have seen how Puerto Rico kicked the universe’s ass. That, my friends, is why.
Here. Look at the picture so that you have a feel for what I am talking about.
I would like to point out…:
-…That all five ladies were quite beautiful, in all honesty, but not all of them were stunning. Ahem.
- …That Switzerland looks like a freaking Barbie doll with that lame dress. Switzerland, it’s the Miss Universe pageant, ok? Not a twelfth grade prom. Nice girl, bad dress color. It’s like “whoa” and it’s why your girl lost.
-…That, apparently, Paraguay is the land of giants. Beautiful giants, granted. But giants, nontheless.
- …That there is absolutely no flaws to Japan’s girl. Everything was perfect. Her dress, her look, her hair, her smile. Everything was flawless and I BOW down to Ol’ Japan. Kurara, darling, if you’re looking for an exotic island boy, come to the country that kicked your ASS. I’m here, waiting. okthanks.
- … That USA and Paraguay have the most Coutoure-ish gowns of the night and they looked goooood. You both may have lost, but you can still strut down a runway like no other.
- … That Puerto Rico’s boobs are like… undergoing some serious pressure in that metallic dress. Just look.
In all honest, I was very skeptical about the representative Puerto Rico sent to the pageant this year. I didn’t think that she was too special and I most certainly didn’t think she’d be one of the favorites up to grab the coveted crown. The crown looks like it’s inspired by a peacock’s feathers. Just thought I’d point that out cuz it’s pretty cool. Although… feathers on the head is way too Vegas Showgirl-y, come to think of it. This is besides the point. The point is I was a bit surprised and quite thrilled to see our girl be called into the top 20 and even more surprised to see her make her way into the top ten and then top 3. I thought for sure that’d be the end of her, because let’s face it… Japan’s queen was absolutely stunning to say the least.
So there I was with my friend Ricardo [and my sister’s kitty, Camila] watching the last three girls with my mouth open, as usual. At this point every person in Paraguay, Puerto Rico and Japan was hoping to win the crown. So yeah. As Paraguay got her ass sent home, it was between our lovely lady and the goddess from Japan. So I said, “Goodness, Japan is SO going to win.” and my friend agreed. I was just impressed with Japan [And it’s not like I have this huge crush on the Asians, because I don’t. But this girl was quite beautiful]. And then they said it. “The first runner up… is Japan!”
And that’s when pigs flew.
Apparently Ricardo and I are both little girls because we were all giddy and laughing and celebrating when we won the crown. “We won!! I can’t believe we won!! I’m so happy!”. Yeah. Psht. We’re allowed to celebrate, so stop thinking whatever it is you’re thinking. I think that our girl didn’t expect to win either! She was crying before they called out the country’s name. She was being all nice to Japan and talking to her like giving her support. And, then, when they called out my country’s name, there was this look of INCREDIBLE disbelief, shock and overwhelm. She was just shocked like a mutha. It was grand. She made us all believe she was going to lose. That little actress.
Winning Miss Universe is always a big deal here in Puerto Rico. It is. It’s because we’re festive people lol. We celebrate everything. Everything. So when we win the fifth Miss Universe crown, we go into a state of ecstasy and then wonderful things happen. We’re just beautiful as a people. We just are. Apparently.
By the way. Miss Puerto Rico, please. I don’t ever want to see that face [the one in the picture] again. Please, just don’t do it. It’s not a very pretty expression. It’s like “Gaaah, I’m going to eat you, look at my big mouth and how I will swallow eevveerryyy other country here. Let’s try to tone it down a bit. You don’t want to do it again, trust us. This ONE time, we, as your people, will let it slide. But only because you were in outright SHOCK. This picture will haunt you for the rest of your life. And now WE have to deal with it. THIS is the face of “the most beautiful woman in the universe” and as Puerto Ricans, we all look like schmucks due to your lack of voluntary jaw control.
xo Reggles
