My mother and I went to the mall the other day to go buy Christmas gifts and while we were at Sears wrapping up a lovely fragrance by the beautiful Hilary Duff, we started talking to the perfume lady whose job is to make gift wrapping beautiful.

This woman was bitter. I’m talking complete biterness, from head to toe. You couldn’t really tell until she opened up her mouth to talk about this year that will soon go bye-bye, “2007 better be a good year for me, because 2006 sucked! So I’m starting this next year RIGHT.” And that was just the beginning of it. This sentence was soon followed up by how she wasn’t going to give gifts to anyone this year, backed up by various reasons sustaining why she wasn’t going to do so. So at that point I felt uncomfortable cuz face it… no client really wants to hear an employee go in a rant about how bad life is. What do you want me to tell you, perfume lady??? I dont’ know you! Ok, I hope 2007 is better, ok? Gee. Her tone was bitter, her facial expression was bitter. Everything, everything, everything. Her face curled up into this [rather grand] expression like if she had something foul rotting under her nostrils. It was great.

You know, I think it’s unfortunate when people have bad years, but hey, they’re not all bad. Sometimes you just have to overlook the bad and go with the good. It’s really not possible for a person to have a complete bad year. Ok, well unless you’re Mariah Carey after her movie “Glitter” [which I really didn’t that was that bad, so I don’t understand why she fell under after that movie or why people hated it so much, just sayin’]. My pretties, just… forget about the bad stuff. Learn from it. Get over it. You’ll feel better, trust me, you will. Look at me! I have had my bad times this year, but over all, 2006 might as well have been called The Year of Regner. Sighs.

In January my father [Reggles’ Dad] bought me an apartment near my school and what a view it has.

In February I met an unlikely best friend from a far-away land ;]

In March I fell in love :] ….. With New York…

and upon seeing her in concert, I fell in love with Ms. A. Simpson all over again.

In April I found out that loads of people wanted my pictures for various tabloids. Or something like that.

In May I discovered that I was, in fact, an X-Men. And people were happy about it.

In June I was able to see dear friends and have magical moments by their sides.

In July my iPod fell in love.

In August my friends and I paraded around Old San Juan for an unforgettable afternoon :]

In September I found my brother.

In October two very famous characters mingled on All Hallow’s Eve.

and also… I discovered how much my sister and I look alike.

In November I was able to climb a tree… and be all cool about it.

Furthermore, I met more great friends [among them, a gold lion], that light up my life.

And in December I found out that I was lucky enough to have passed the hardest course in the School of Architecture…. Structures 1. Only THREE more to go.

And since I love you all and wish for you to start your 2007 off RIGHT, I will show you a very important picture from LAST year’s December… And I’ll give you the reason why I had a kick ass year. Last December, Santa brought me my first pair of ladies jeans.

They have changed my life. Now for all of you ladies who have had a bad year and already own a pair of ladies jeans [because let’s face it, you’re ladies], allow me to recommend guy shorts. Try it, and just see if you like it. You can thank me for a great year when you see the results. HA. Ok, no seriously now.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas. Spend your time with your loved ones, don’t lose sight of the most important thing that this Holiday Season brings us: Peace, Love, and Good-will towards men. I hope that the birth of our God brings many wonderful things to your life on this brand new year! Make it count, my pretties. Make it count. This next year will be what you make it out to be.

PS. Don’t forget the ladies jeans, for the love of GOD. lol.

I have a friend that I met on Myspace whose name is Dave. Dave and I go way back to like… to like Spring 2005 lol. He’s an American who moved to my hometown on this noble quest to help his grandparents, it’s truly an inspirational and great story. I’d tell you but I’ll just fast forward because I don’t feel like telling it. I’d narrate, you’d listen, you’d sigh and wipe a tear and then we’ll all hold hands and stop fighting for petroleum. So Dave and I met one day. We even did the whole lunch thing. It was nice.

He’s gone now. Moooved to California. Anyway, when I mentioned The Easy Vibe to him back in September, his immediate response was “Why would I want to see a series about you and your foreigner friend??” And yeah, of course, my heart sank. Our first critic. “One of many to come, surely” I told myself. I also thought that Dave was no longer a potential fan, but rather… a hater.

But since Alanis Morissette, a woman of incredible truth, has informed us and let us know that “life has a funny way” of doing things, I believe her. And furthermore I can’t help but see this theory as an infallible truth, and hope that you see it Alanis’ way as I show you, my pretties, the conversation that Dave and I just had [screen names have been edited to protect Dave and my safety].

FlavoredPez: ok so i’ve been secretly watching ur easyvibe youtube thingy

Regner: ah great.

Regner: please by all means.

Regner: shred it to pieces.

FlavoredPez: shred it?

Regner: yes yes. verbal whiplash.

Regner: crititques.

Regner: your review, by all means.

FlavoredPez: lol no whiplash…maybe get a better camera

Regner: and?

Regner: lol

FlavoredPez: thats it

Regner: that’s it?

FlavoredPez: yip

Regner: Ahem. Well california has done you good.

[It really HAS done him good. No hate mail or nuthin’. Although who knows? After this blog I’ll probably be getting a nice little comment from him. As fate would have it, he is probably also secretly reading “that webpage thing you have” and reads everything i say and write.]

FlavoredPez: the coconut prophetess cracked me up

Regner: We love her.

Regner: I text her :-)

FlavoredPez: lol

Regner: but we love rebecca even more.

FlavoredPez: haha rebecca

FlavoredPez: i sooo shoulda been in this i coulda played hte fat guy

Regner: no, no. that’s my part.

FlavoredPez: i thought u played the comical hipster?

Regner: i know that’s what I thought, but oz called me “the fat man” once.

Regner: it kinda hurt, kinda didn’t. you know?

[If you listen closely to the episode where oz and I go to Walgreen’s to get the hair dye, you can actually hear him insult me. The actual sentence is “The fat man’s at it again.” I resent that.]

FlavoredPez: only europeans would think ur fat haha

Regner: You are now my hero.

[I told you California did him good. Normally he’s not this nice nor sensitive to feelings…. or to the idea of life in general. He’s just… you know. He’s mean.]

FlavoredPez: if he thought u were fat he’d prolly call me jabba the but

Regner: Ok that’s not true. You’re not FAT.

FlavoredPez: ps ur undies cracked me up almost as much as the coconut lady

[’Almost’ being the operative word here. Nothing is as funny as The Coconut Prophet.]

Regner: psht you know they’re hot.

FlavoredPez: lol

Regner: what they are.

Regner: lol

Regner: they’re very European.

FlavoredPez: maybe too euro

Regner: Nonsense.

Regner: no such thing.

[There really isn’t.]

For the first time in a year, I am a free from classes, and I am seriously thrilled. A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulder.. like… the weight of this solar system has been lifted off my shoulders. And my, do I have wonderous shoulders now.

On more recent events, I had my design presentation yesterday. My “professor” was supposed to get there at 10:30 am, so I could present right? But he wasn’t there at 10:30am. So I just sat there in the class room looking at my presentation seeing all the things that were wrong thinking to myself “I’m getting screwed over today.” Upset, because the clock now chimed 11:00 am and my “professor” still wasn’t there, I began to think of reasons of why he was late. I began wondering why he was doing it, and decided “He’s doing it to piss me off.”

Let me tell you, it is not a fun feeling to sit in a classroom after 9 months of waiting to present, and not have your “professor” there to hurry up and grade you. It’s been 9 months of hell, could we please no longer prolong the AGONY of this horrible project? Is that so much to ask, I don’t think so. The classroom was frigid, like seriously I’m talking subzero temperatures and then some. And as penguins, polar bears, and one or two eskimos passed by me, I began to want to kill my beloved “professor” once again. “Regner, perish the thought.” I told myself.

So there I sat! Like a moron. A real live moron, ladies and gentlemen :) I only had like 3 hours of sleep in like…. what? 7 weeks. Yeah, that’s about right. So just imagine me, not having slept in months, sitting on a black chair in an Arctic classroom with a bunch of blue prints in front of him. All alone. Can someone say autism? “Autism”… Thank you.

“Where is he?! He’s probably relaxing somewhere thinking of ways to set me up.” and in that moment I asked myself, “Regner… seriously, why must you be so pessimistic? Why can’t you give him the benefit of the doubt and for a second consider that something could have happened to him.” And that’s when I realized “Evil doesn’t die so easily.” So obviously, I dismissed the idea and continued to hate him in my silence lol. It was a bit fun because I began to think of things to do to get even. Mark my words, one of these late late nights he WILL get a blocked ID call from someone screaming the word “Asshole” from the top of his lungs. Not very mature, but hey, entertainment is what it is.

So minutes passed and hours passed and my “professor” was way past fashionably late and went straight into Satan mode, because I swear, only Satan himself is cabable of pissing off someone as bad as he did to me. But hey, I could be overreacting. He was, after all, only two and a half hours late.

That’s not alot right? Right. I swear I must have snared at him several times during my presentation, But alas, the “O” Project, as I have baptized it, is finally born and I am quite proud of it. My model was beautiful, if I do say so myself, and my project is very sophisticated and lovely. And as my “professor” said the words “I’m going to gave you the A.’” , my heart was elated and my spirit soared. I was an eagle that was about to swoop down and rip his head off and feed it to its offspring. Eyeballs and everything.

So here it is, ladies and gentlemen… “O” Project:

“You’re in your fourth year and you don’t know how to draw properly. After the fourth year, you’re supposed to go and get a job at an architecture office and if YOU had presented these drawings at the office, you would get fired.” …Or so my design “professor” told me this afternoon, after he was 45 minutes late to my presentation. I simply stared in schock at these words. Not because I was offended, because I wasn’t lol… but because I had simply nothing to say. It was as if something evil had sucked the life out of me. So I just stared. I stared and then told him “Yeah ok.”

He has absolutely no proof I’d get fired. Anyway, he got fired from the Architecture School this semester so he’s one to talk lol. It’s not like he’s any better. I rather have bad drawings than be a mediocre “professor”. Boo. Ya.

I’ve decided on what my Christmas present should be. I’ve been a good boy this year for the most part. I mean… I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink, I haven’t killed anyone and and I’ve stayed out of trouble for the most part. Sure, I’ve had one or two accidents during this year [flashes back to the car crash, the speeding ticket, the animals that have been squashed by the car tires, and to the time I almost got ran over last week], but who on this planet hasn’t. To balance these accidents out, I think I should point out that I’ve endured countless insults from my “professor”. Honestly. The year 2006 has been hard on us, it really has. Ask Joixa. She’s having a hell of a year. I think I’m ready to tell Santa what I desire this year.

bam!

Oh yes baby. That’s what I want. First order of business would be to get a new parking space at my apartment building because it just so happens that my current parking space is minute. My Wrangler fits perfectly because it’s a 2 door Wrangler. But this beauty is quite big, so yeah I’d get a new parking.

“Yes, excuse me Miss… I need a new parking. See my brand new Jeep doesn’t fit in my old parking. Hand over a new parking space, love.” I wouldn’t mind going to the administration office and tell them this. I wouldn’t. The lady that administers to these issues would probably look at me weird and whisper to herself the word “Prick” and then spit on my face. I’d then go into a state of shock once again and simply stare at her, like I did with my “professo”. And then I’d wait until I’d see her crossing the street and use her body as a speed bump. Ok, wait that’s not really going to happen.

You know what will happen though. Right? Santa’s getting me a new Jeep. That’s likely to happen. Yes, it’ll be green or yellow and it’ll be my best friend. I’ll drive it everywhere and kiss the steering wheel everytime I’d get in, just so I can greet it. I’ll wake up on Christmas Morn and see keys under the tree. A big silver bow will decorate the top of my Jeep and I’ll live happily ever after, and trust me, these things are possible. So Santa’s getting me a new Jeep… because that’s much more likely to happen.