Ladies and Gentelmen, a moment of your attention please… Oz is missing in action. This post is to spread awareness that Oz has not uploaded any information to Oziz in MONTHS. lol. Please find him and say hi on my behalf.

I remember the day that I almost died… or one of them at least, because I frequently find myself in perilous situations that endanger my life. I distinctly recall that on the Day That I Almost Died, I had been deprived of sleep the previous night, due to an excess workload from my Design Class. A typical story, and we won’t get into it. After my class, I decided that it was best for me to sleep for a while in my apartment, before heading back to my house on the other side of the island. And so I did. I remember crawling into bed… I was dead tired, I’ll have you know. Usually I can go on for long periods of time without sleep, but I’ve come to notice that sometimes in this island, our days seem to carry so much weight on them that some days are more tiring than others. I know you’re probably thinking “yeah we have those too”, but no you don’t. lol. This is tropical island type of stuff.

I theorize that the equator must have some sort of effect on our days and the atmosphere and/or ozone layer or something like that. I don’t know. I’m not a professional, but something’s up. Something is definitely up.

Call it as you wish, that particular day [The Day That I Almost Died] was heavy. It really brought me down. So as I drifted off to my precious world, world in which I am able to fly, meet celebrities, and do other things I’m not allowed to do in real life, I found happiness. The sun was shining ever so brightly outside my glass windows as it prepared to set oh-so majestically as it tends to do on a daily basis. My body started relaxing, my mind crashed, but at a certain point something started feeling OFF. Something was wrong and I knew it. Even though I was not conscious of myself or my surroundings, my body was trying to tell me something. My body was sending me a clear message.

”Regner, you can’t breathe.”

And that’s when I almost died. I struggled to find air, but no… I could not. I was unable to find oxygen. And when my lungs started shriveling up and my brain began to die, I woke up and looked out the window and I realized, “This asshole sun is trying to kill me.” I immediately noticed that I was, in fact, drenched in sweat and that the heat I was experiencing could only be described and compared to as Hell. In my agony I realized that I had no solar protection from the fierce Puerto Rican setting sun… The glass windows acted as giant magnifying glasses that intensified the sun’s rays. And I, in my bed, was a mere ant… defenseless and unaided, with no one to help put out the flames that consumed my entire being.

In that EXACT moment I found enough strength to gasp what was MORE THAN LIKELY the LAST breath of air that could save me. Lol. So as I breathed that ever-so-needed gulp of air, my brain resuscitated and my lungs un-shriveled. Poof! Like a balloon. It was nice, to feel that you know? It felt normal and RIGHT. My whole system started working properly I guess, cuz I didn’t die at the end and all. So yeah… That’s the story of how I almost died last year. Lol.

xRegner

“Friday the 13th of April 2029 could be a very unlucky day for planet Earth. At 4:36 am Greenwich Mean Time, a 25-million-ton, 820-ft.-wide asteroid called 99942 Apophis will slice across the orbit of the moon and barrel toward Earth at more than 28,000 mph.”

Yeah, friggin’ right. Like we’re that lucky. Honestly, that’s ridiculous, MSN is full of crap. I was reading the news for this so-called asteroid impactation and the more you read the more they explain how it’s NOT going to happen. They fool us all with this SUPER NEAT headline saying we’re going to get creamed by a star and lo and behold, it’s a lie. I would ENJOY getting hit by a comet right about now, in fact I would welcome it with open arms and give it a kiss on its forehead, and do you know why, ladies and gentlemen? Because I’ve spent the last 92837 hours hunting COCKROACHES inside my Jeep.

Yes, that’s right. Those foul demons have made a home out of MY vehicle. I swear I’m SO pissed off right now. I saw ONE the other day, I saw TWO tonight, and as I proceeded to spread Real Kill on them, slowly but surely the rest of the DAMNED COCKROACH VILLAGE started surfacing. And these aren’t any cockroaches,my pretties. These are SPECIALLY DESIGNED cockroaches. Designed for cars, these smaller more manageable cockroaches can travel with you anywhere you go. They are like iPods. God’s own little iPods, sent to us to piss us all off.

So tomorrow morning, when I get inside my car, I am bound to have at least 7 brand new “Nano iCockroaches” visible to the human eye. And let’s not even start thinking about the unbearable stench that WILL be my car due to the excess of Real Kill in small contained spaces.

If this isn’t nature’s way of saying “New Jeep, please” I don’t know what is. [And that is a direct hint for my father who is an avid reader of this blog lol. I love you dad. ;) And I am totally kidding. But not about the plague of vermin in my current Jeep. There is absolutely NO kidding in that department.]

ps. Comment or message me to get your very own free iCockroach Nano. I’ll mail them to you. Bloody hell.

Once a year, when the moon is just right, and the sun hits the Earth in a most exact and meticulous position, the stars line up and BAM. Itz yo’ birffday.

It happens rather unexpectedly. For some at least. I include myself in this bunch. Cuz I mean, sure you KNOW it’s coming and you prepare for it, but one day you wake up and it’s now officially your birthday. And it’s like “Wow, it’s my birthday”, you know? lol. Whatever. There are some people who just allow their birthday to creep up on them. I’m serious. Some muthas just don’t even KNOW it’s their birthday. Like my cousin. How can you forget your birthday? It’s the easiest day to remember, it’s up there with the 4th of July. One cannot forget the 4th of July, because the Holiday’s name is the date. It’s not like sayyyy…. Labor Day. Who the hell knows when Labor Day is? How are we supposed to know? But 4th of July is ON FREAKING JULY 4. If you forget it, you’re plain stupid. lol.

You know which Holiday is a bitch to keep tabs on? Thanksgiving. That sucker changes dates every single year. You have to go to the calendar and start counting which is the third Thursday of November and then you’ll know. Let me just clarify, that I have no idea if it really IS the third Thursday of November. I could be totally wrong, but it doesn’t really matter. November is like a year away, so I’ve got time to figure Thanksgiving out.

Birthdays, they’re another story. Those you can’t forget, you really can’t. Has anyone really thought about this? Birthdates are powerful, my pretties. Anyone that’s forgotten a birthday knows what I’m talking about. Yeah, there’s hell to pay, because honestly it is a big deal to most people. I forget birthdays all the time, which makes me suck at life. My roommate’s birthday is June 27, and last year, I called her on JULY 27. An entire month later. But honestly, on my defense, June and July are only two letters apart, so it’s not entirely my fault. I’m just saying.

So my birthday’s coming up next Saturday. I hate having my birthday come around, I honestly do… It’s awkward you know? It’s like you THINK it’s your day, but really it isn’t lol. The world doesn’t really care. So you live in this bubble thinking “Wow it’s my day” but yes, sir, you are alone in that bubble. And you know this! You know it isn’t really your day, but you don’t care. You keep on expecting those phone calls… those emails from your long distance friends, those “unexpected” visits from your loved ones… because you, in your oh-so wonderful ignorance, hope that the world will remember that it’s “your” day and will jump on the party wagon and remember it. In the meanwhile, they’re all thinking “Ugh, it’s his birthday, do I really have to call him?” [and you know it’s true, cuz you do it all the time, so don’t even go there] So yeah, you think you’re a celebrity really. You think it’s a national Holiday like… saaaaay… the 4th of July. Or Martin Luther King Day.

But you’re NOT Martin Luther King. And, no, you haven’t freed your country from The Mother Land, so it’s not really as special as you think. So you go one of two ways about it:

a- You swallow a spoonful of reality and come to terms with the fact that people might forget your birthday.

b- You keep believing your birthday is a national Holiday.

I think I’ve done both and, no, it doesn’t get any easier. Option “A” never really works out, because in the back of your mind you always hope they’ll call. Option “B” just sucks because you know how alone you are inside your precious floating bubble, of which you are the KING of. King Regner of the Bubble.

So your birthday comes and you dress up. Because hell, we all know… you dress up; because it’s your birthday, and it IS, after all, a NATIONAL HOLIDAY. It is an event. You have to look good. So the ladies get out the make-up kit and apply their “face”, get their best high heels and start strutting, all the while their huge earings dangle from side to side, a surefire indication that something important is going on…. And the boys, they bathe in cologne, put on a nice little poloshirt and clean their sneakers and off they go… to their destination, wherever that may be. The mall, perhaps.

And to yourself, you feel cool. You’re like “Hell yes, it’s my birrfday, I gotz to look good. Dayum I look good.” And to the rest of the world it’s like “Those hoop earrings are ugly, why is she wearing them?” You know what I’m saying? If you’re going OUT at night, then yes, dressing up is crucial. But during the day,it’s kind of humorous. Hell, I’ve done it. I understand why people do it. But I’ve also been the one to say “Those hoops earrings are ugly, why is she wearing them-” while adding “-especially on her birthday.”

I’ve been the spectator AND the leading actor on this one man show, so I know what I’m talking about. No one cares if its your birthday when you’re at school, so no need to overdress. You overdress and it’s like you’re going to your own party alone. See, if EVERYONE was dressed up at school on your birthday, then CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU, please invite me as well. If not it’s like… “Yeah HE’S glad it’s his birthday. He dress up.” And you’re the only one celebrating. Not that fun.

So what am I going to do? You KNOW I’m probably going to dress up. Hell, it IS my birthday.

As for the celebration.. yeah see, there’s this fear I have. No one comes. It’s really annoying… it’s the one day out of the entire year that people need to be there for you and suddenly they can’t. So I live under this fear lol. I rather NOT celebrate and not have anyone show up, than having a party and risk them not showing up. Because, see, if that happens then I’ll probably end up crying all alone at the beach somewhere while listening to “Where Is Your Heart” by Kelly Clarkson, because LORD knows, she’s the best psychiatrist out there right now. The hell with Freud. Kelly Clarkson. It’s HER students should be reading about.

Anyway, my birthdays are always disastrous. It’s the ONE day of the year you can COUNT that the good Lord will be sending rain. You need rain for your crops? Ask me to go to your farm on January 13. If you see me walking around on my birthday, please by all means, get an umbrella. Not a rain coat [raincoats aren’t very attractive, and they flatten your hair and they just feel gross]. I’m like a walking rain dance. A Native American rain dance lol. Perhaps it’s in my blood, even though I’m not Native American. But you really don’t know where your true roots are. Puerto Ricans, we’re all mixed, so who knows.

Last year I had a rooftop part at the beach. It was hell. It was hell if hell was undergoing some serious rain. I’m just saying. It never works out. If Physicists are right, and the Earth is undergoing the phenomenon called ENTROPY [everything is leading to detereoration], then I guess that same principle has to be applied to my birthday. I’m getting older, so I’m slowly dying… and my birthdays are always bad, and get worse year after year… Then the big 22 should be no different lol. I think I should stop celebrating you know? I think I should stop celebrating, and hope not to live too long, just to make sure that my existance doesn’t contribute to the deteoration of this planet and its weak ozone layer.

Seriously. Let’s stop destroying that layer ok? We don’t REALLY need hair spray. Good God.

For the first time in a year, I am a free from classes, and I am seriously thrilled. A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulder.. like… the weight of this solar system has been lifted off my shoulders. And my, do I have wonderous shoulders now.

On more recent events, I had my design presentation yesterday. My “professor” was supposed to get there at 10:30 am, so I could present right? But he wasn’t there at 10:30am. So I just sat there in the class room looking at my presentation seeing all the things that were wrong thinking to myself “I’m getting screwed over today.” Upset, because the clock now chimed 11:00 am and my “professor” still wasn’t there, I began to think of reasons of why he was late. I began wondering why he was doing it, and decided “He’s doing it to piss me off.”

Let me tell you, it is not a fun feeling to sit in a classroom after 9 months of waiting to present, and not have your “professor” there to hurry up and grade you. It’s been 9 months of hell, could we please no longer prolong the AGONY of this horrible project? Is that so much to ask, I don’t think so. The classroom was frigid, like seriously I’m talking subzero temperatures and then some. And as penguins, polar bears, and one or two eskimos passed by me, I began to want to kill my beloved “professor” once again. “Regner, perish the thought.” I told myself.

So there I sat! Like a moron. A real live moron, ladies and gentlemen :) I only had like 3 hours of sleep in like…. what? 7 weeks. Yeah, that’s about right. So just imagine me, not having slept in months, sitting on a black chair in an Arctic classroom with a bunch of blue prints in front of him. All alone. Can someone say autism? “Autism”… Thank you.

“Where is he?! He’s probably relaxing somewhere thinking of ways to set me up.” and in that moment I asked myself, “Regner… seriously, why must you be so pessimistic? Why can’t you give him the benefit of the doubt and for a second consider that something could have happened to him.” And that’s when I realized “Evil doesn’t die so easily.” So obviously, I dismissed the idea and continued to hate him in my silence lol. It was a bit fun because I began to think of things to do to get even. Mark my words, one of these late late nights he WILL get a blocked ID call from someone screaming the word “Asshole” from the top of his lungs. Not very mature, but hey, entertainment is what it is.

So minutes passed and hours passed and my “professor” was way past fashionably late and went straight into Satan mode, because I swear, only Satan himself is cabable of pissing off someone as bad as he did to me. But hey, I could be overreacting. He was, after all, only two and a half hours late.

That’s not alot right? Right. I swear I must have snared at him several times during my presentation, But alas, the “O” Project, as I have baptized it, is finally born and I am quite proud of it. My model was beautiful, if I do say so myself, and my project is very sophisticated and lovely. And as my “professor” said the words “I’m going to gave you the A.’” , my heart was elated and my spirit soared. I was an eagle that was about to swoop down and rip his head off and feed it to its offspring. Eyeballs and everything.

So here it is, ladies and gentlemen… “O” Project:

“You’re in your fourth year and you don’t know how to draw properly. After the fourth year, you’re supposed to go and get a job at an architecture office and if YOU had presented these drawings at the office, you would get fired.” …Or so my design “professor” told me this afternoon, after he was 45 minutes late to my presentation. I simply stared in schock at these words. Not because I was offended, because I wasn’t lol… but because I had simply nothing to say. It was as if something evil had sucked the life out of me. So I just stared. I stared and then told him “Yeah ok.”

He has absolutely no proof I’d get fired. Anyway, he got fired from the Architecture School this semester so he’s one to talk lol. It’s not like he’s any better. I rather have bad drawings than be a mediocre “professor”. Boo. Ya.

I’ve decided on what my Christmas present should be. I’ve been a good boy this year for the most part. I mean… I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink, I haven’t killed anyone and and I’ve stayed out of trouble for the most part. Sure, I’ve had one or two accidents during this year [flashes back to the car crash, the speeding ticket, the animals that have been squashed by the car tires, and to the time I almost got ran over last week], but who on this planet hasn’t. To balance these accidents out, I think I should point out that I’ve endured countless insults from my “professor”. Honestly. The year 2006 has been hard on us, it really has. Ask Joixa. She’s having a hell of a year. I think I’m ready to tell Santa what I desire this year.

bam!

Oh yes baby. That’s what I want. First order of business would be to get a new parking space at my apartment building because it just so happens that my current parking space is minute. My Wrangler fits perfectly because it’s a 2 door Wrangler. But this beauty is quite big, so yeah I’d get a new parking.

“Yes, excuse me Miss… I need a new parking. See my brand new Jeep doesn’t fit in my old parking. Hand over a new parking space, love.” I wouldn’t mind going to the administration office and tell them this. I wouldn’t. The lady that administers to these issues would probably look at me weird and whisper to herself the word “Prick” and then spit on my face. I’d then go into a state of shock once again and simply stare at her, like I did with my “professo”. And then I’d wait until I’d see her crossing the street and use her body as a speed bump. Ok, wait that’s not really going to happen.

You know what will happen though. Right? Santa’s getting me a new Jeep. That’s likely to happen. Yes, it’ll be green or yellow and it’ll be my best friend. I’ll drive it everywhere and kiss the steering wheel everytime I’d get in, just so I can greet it. I’ll wake up on Christmas Morn and see keys under the tree. A big silver bow will decorate the top of my Jeep and I’ll live happily ever after, and trust me, these things are possible. So Santa’s getting me a new Jeep… because that’s much more likely to happen.

When I woke up this morning feeling like I wanted to vomit, I should have known it was a sure-fire indication of what was to be expected during the entire day. Trust me, waking up feeling like everything you’ve ever eated wants to gush out of your mouth at extreme speeds is not a fun feeling. Especially when you’ve just woken up. It’s like “Hi. Good morning, I’m PUKE, and I want to leave your body. Have a great day, Regner.” Yes thanks, it has started marvelously.

Moving ON- You know how sometimes in life we start projects that never seem to end? You know. Everyone’s done one at some point. It could be anything really… scrapbooking, painting the living room, doing your garden… designing an apartment complex. Anything. Well yeah, unfinished projects are one of life’s most unenjoyable things. That and ghonorrea, I imagine, but I have no experience in the latter, so I just hypothesize. I’m just saying. Sometimes things just have to END.

It’s been 8 months since I was assigned my latest burden: the apartment complex we had to design. Yes, 8 months I’ve been working on that piece of crap and I hate it. I hate everything about it. Beautiful building, yes, but I hate it. Eight months is way too much time, and it never ends, you know? Do you KNOW what 8 months is? By December, my project will be 9 months old. Do you have any idea what this is?! It means that If this project was a human freaking BABY, I should be giving birth in like 2 weeks. I’m dead serious. My project is a baby, my mind is the whomb and I, Regner, am the dearest MOMMY who should be glowing. I, however, am not glowing, I am nauseous.

Being the responsible young man that I am, i go off to print out my latest drawings at this evil place called “Instant Print”. Instant being the operative word here. Ok, instant WHATEVER. I waited for what seemed to be my entire lifetime, but whatever. I survived. What a shocker lol. Sooooo I was going to pay for my 6 drawings when all of a sudden “DECLINED”. My card was declined.That really topped it off. From that point on a complete sense of helplesness overcame me. From this point on, I realized…”I’m poor.” From that point on, I knew that the day was definitely going to go awfully awry.

Had I a tail… it would be in between my legs… and then some. I walked away and decided it was time to head to school. I put on my earphones, begin to listen to my sweet music on my iPod. I’m walking oh SO cool man. OH so cool. That’s when I almost got hit by a car.

I didn’t even NOTICE that my life was about to end. My music kept me too occupied. The only indication of my near death experience? Loud, vulgar construction workers. I guess the stereotypes for Puerto Rican construction workers are true. They began yelling at me… probably profanities, I couldn’t tell. I could only see their taunting faces making fun of me for nearly suffering a tragic death… hit by a car while crossing the street. THAT would have been grand. Books, sunglasses, and crap flying everywhere, while the stupid construction workers show me a smile through their yellow teeth. Yep, that’s how I want to die.

But I just kept on walking, you know? Never mind the fact that everyone on the street saw that I had almost gotten hit by a CAR. Never mind that I have $9.11 on my account. I just kept on walking. Because you know what? At the end of the day, the sun keeps on shining, and the birds keep on chirping and all I can do… is walk. ~snorts~ lol OKAY.

My roommate is missing. I know, I know… she’ll be back soon or something, but seriously I have no idea where she is. She’s been gloomy and stressed lately and she and I haven’t been talking much, so I expect the worst.

Yesterday when we were in the kitchen I, being ever so charismatic, started talking.

-”Joixa, Oz asked me how you were doing.”
-”He did? What’d you say?”
-”That you were fine, that we haven’t talked much and that you’ve been in a bad mood lately.”
-”I’m not in a bad mood, I’ve just been depressed.”

-DIES- Well helloooo, why didn’t I know about this?!

-”What are you depressed about?!”
-”I just need a vacation!”

I guess Joixa has taken UP that vacation, that little princess, because I don’t know where she could be. See, tonight I went to my friend Maria’s apartment to go watch America’s Next Top Model, because LORD knows that show rocks in so many levels. Seriously, it’s candy to me. My sisters and I are in love with it, we are. I love it more though :)

The marathons?! OH GOD! I could sit there all day couch potatoeing, drinking lukewarm water, mouth wide open staring at the tv. I do not grow weary, I just don’t. There’s something about that show that just elates my soul you know? The pictures they take there are unbelievable. And Tyra Banks?? Tyra Banks. How can we BEGIN to comprehend the wonder that IS Tyra Banks? If I had one wish in this life, it would be to dine with the beautiful Tyra Banks.

AND also.. to find my roommate. Ok maybe not to find my roommate, I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually. Hell, I’m not throwing away the opportunity to date Tyra Banks fo’ NOBODY. Especially if they’re gonna turn up ANYWAY. Don’t get me wrong, I’m worried, but I’m sure she’s fine. I’m sure she’s alive. I hope so. Cuz yeah… when I got back from watching America’s Next Top Model, I noticed that her purse, bag, and cel phone were in her room. But her body wasn’t.

Soooo…. I started thinking and at that moment I understood. “Oh my God, she killed herself.” That’s when I started checking the apartment. I went to the bathroom and prepared for the worst, I am not even kidding. I creeped up to the shower and grabbed the curtain and went all dramatic opening it up, nervously expecting to see her BODY thrown in the tub, blood and all.

Thankfully her body isn’t there. I haven’t checked the closets, but hell, who would kill themselves in a closet, seriously. Moving ON.

I DO hope Joixa is enjoying Aruba or Barbados or wherever she’s flown of to on her broom, that witch. Where she’s at right now, butterflies are braiding her curly hair. The moon shines oh so brightly upon her beautiful radiant eyes… and men in loinclothes fulfill her every whim and desire. This probably means they’re giving her food… that girl loves to eat. That’s the life, my friends. That is the life. Anywho, I hope she comes back really soon because the Holidays are coming up and we have to buy a Christmas tree and have our Christmas dinner together and she cannot bail on me for some stupid vacation that she “needs”. Please remind her of this if you see her. I don’t know where she is.

xReggles

The easy vibe series will be ending on November 11th with our series finalé. Here is a short movie of clips from the series, created by Regner. If you havn’t yet checked our episodes out, please do. You can start here with Episode One.

Thanks to all of our subscribers so far. We really appriciate your support and feedback. Take it easy! x

It was a longish while since I last posted here on my own website, so I thought I’d take some time out from a kind of crazy time in my life to share some letters with you. Actually, I don’t even think I’ve posted much of a blog ever since I came back from the land of Regner! Oh my. I apologise.

But, you see, that’s what the working world can do to you. Restrict your creativeness and connection with the wider world. A job can really close your mind - especially since it is actually the first job I have ever had. Plus, it is not easy. I’m working in electrical retail for a UK chain who have a store in town. Honestly. I could never have expected the stress that could come with a pretty standard job as a “cashier”. Paperwork; returns; phone calls; complaints; Mr-supposed-to-know-it-all; counting money; slave. You see, I had one day’s training. Then I was dropped like a bomb.

I’ve been working full time for the past two weeks. Yesterday I felt like quitting! But, no, I’m not a quitter. Yet. We’ll see how the run up to Chirstmas treats me.

Anyway. I have the weekends off - my lifeline. I spend them with Jess which rejuvinates me with motivation to stretch on for another five days. We’ve been ice skating, up mountains, to small Welsh towns, eating out, shopping and out at night in just the last two weekends. It’s great. Jess has a week off of college this Friday, and my family are going away, whereas I’ll still be beating out the persistant routine. Next Thursday Jess is having her tonsills out which isn’t a great occasion really. She’s strong, and she’ll just take it in her (short) stride :p Give her some love x

Apart from the outside world, I have continued to digest the hours of footage collected over just seven days in Puerto Rico. So far we are live up to episode ten from the series! And I predict at least another ten to go :] I really hope you’re enjoying them. They take a lot of work to edit and upload. Alas, it’s fun.

Well this was just a quick update on what I’ve been up to. And to prove Regner didn’t kidnap me. I shall be back soon in the near future x