Did you know I cannot speak French? I pretend like I can, because I pronounce made up words with a French accent and proceed to tell people that I’ve been studyin French since I was little, but really I’m just a tease. Also, did you know I’m officially going to Europe this summer? I shall be arriving in Manchester airport on June 5th if all goes according to plan. Right now oz and I are at what I like to call The Planning Stage. Not a very original name, but it’s clear and speaks for itself.

Obviously this is a very important stage because hell… it’s the trip itinerary. lol. Enough said. But also we begin to see small and subtle indications of what are going to be, in my opinion, potential obstacles. Things like “Are we allowed shampoo on our carry-on luggage?” and being replied to with a simple “No.” is a surefire indication that we’re going to have a problem. I won’t get into details, but let’s just say that high altitudes make my head oily. I thought I would be able to kind of SHOWER in the plane, but let’s be realistic. Not even I would go through the trouble of that, even if I was allowed shampoo on board.

Other things like this following conversation, forces one to re-evaluate the necessities [and I do mean necessities] in this trip:

oz says:
u can only bring ONE bag ok?

[reggles] says:
One big bag? is this a RULE?

oz says:
yes for the flight

[reggles] says:
seriously?

oz says:
well u can take a small one on the plane

[reggles] says:
so i can’t bring a messenger bag with stuff ON me as well?

oz says:
its 15KG the main bag

oz says:
and a very small bag like a rucksack

——————————————–

Shelly… says:
LOL reg only 2 shoes

[reggles] says:
i can’t really wear the chocolate ones cuz you know they make my feet bleed

Shelly… says:
2 pairs!! and thats the law

[reggles] says:
3?

Shelly… says:
nope 2…one for walking one for pretty stuff and okay ….sandals

[reggles] says:
we’ll see

I remember the day that I almost died… or one of them at least, because I frequently find myself in perilous situations that endanger my life. I distinctly recall that on the Day That I Almost Died, I had been deprived of sleep the previous night, due to an excess workload from my Design Class. A typical story, and we won’t get into it. After my class, I decided that it was best for me to sleep for a while in my apartment, before heading back to my house on the other side of the island. And so I did. I remember crawling into bed… I was dead tired, I’ll have you know. Usually I can go on for long periods of time without sleep, but I’ve come to notice that sometimes in this island, our days seem to carry so much weight on them that some days are more tiring than others. I know you’re probably thinking “yeah we have those too”, but no you don’t. lol. This is tropical island type of stuff.

I theorize that the equator must have some sort of effect on our days and the atmosphere and/or ozone layer or something like that. I don’t know. I’m not a professional, but something’s up. Something is definitely up.

Call it as you wish, that particular day [The Day That I Almost Died] was heavy. It really brought me down. So as I drifted off to my precious world, world in which I am able to fly, meet celebrities, and do other things I’m not allowed to do in real life, I found happiness. The sun was shining ever so brightly outside my glass windows as it prepared to set oh-so majestically as it tends to do on a daily basis. My body started relaxing, my mind crashed, but at a certain point something started feeling OFF. Something was wrong and I knew it. Even though I was not conscious of myself or my surroundings, my body was trying to tell me something. My body was sending me a clear message.

”Regner, you can’t breathe.”

And that’s when I almost died. I struggled to find air, but no… I could not. I was unable to find oxygen. And when my lungs started shriveling up and my brain began to die, I woke up and looked out the window and I realized, “This asshole sun is trying to kill me.” I immediately noticed that I was, in fact, drenched in sweat and that the heat I was experiencing could only be described and compared to as Hell. In my agony I realized that I had no solar protection from the fierce Puerto Rican setting sun… The glass windows acted as giant magnifying glasses that intensified the sun’s rays. And I, in my bed, was a mere ant… defenseless and unaided, with no one to help put out the flames that consumed my entire being.

In that EXACT moment I found enough strength to gasp what was MORE THAN LIKELY the LAST breath of air that could save me. Lol. So as I breathed that ever-so-needed gulp of air, my brain resuscitated and my lungs un-shriveled. Poof! Like a balloon. It was nice, to feel that you know? It felt normal and RIGHT. My whole system started working properly I guess, cuz I didn’t die at the end and all. So yeah… That’s the story of how I almost died last year. Lol.

xRegner

“Friday the 13th of April 2029 could be a very unlucky day for planet Earth. At 4:36 am Greenwich Mean Time, a 25-million-ton, 820-ft.-wide asteroid called 99942 Apophis will slice across the orbit of the moon and barrel toward Earth at more than 28,000 mph.”

Yeah, friggin’ right. Like we’re that lucky. Honestly, that’s ridiculous, MSN is full of crap. I was reading the news for this so-called asteroid impactation and the more you read the more they explain how it’s NOT going to happen. They fool us all with this SUPER NEAT headline saying we’re going to get creamed by a star and lo and behold, it’s a lie. I would ENJOY getting hit by a comet right about now, in fact I would welcome it with open arms and give it a kiss on its forehead, and do you know why, ladies and gentlemen? Because I’ve spent the last 92837 hours hunting COCKROACHES inside my Jeep.

Yes, that’s right. Those foul demons have made a home out of MY vehicle. I swear I’m SO pissed off right now. I saw ONE the other day, I saw TWO tonight, and as I proceeded to spread Real Kill on them, slowly but surely the rest of the DAMNED COCKROACH VILLAGE started surfacing. And these aren’t any cockroaches,my pretties. These are SPECIALLY DESIGNED cockroaches. Designed for cars, these smaller more manageable cockroaches can travel with you anywhere you go. They are like iPods. God’s own little iPods, sent to us to piss us all off.

So tomorrow morning, when I get inside my car, I am bound to have at least 7 brand new “Nano iCockroaches” visible to the human eye. And let’s not even start thinking about the unbearable stench that WILL be my car due to the excess of Real Kill in small contained spaces.

If this isn’t nature’s way of saying “New Jeep, please” I don’t know what is. [And that is a direct hint for my father who is an avid reader of this blog lol. I love you dad. ;) And I am totally kidding. But not about the plague of vermin in my current Jeep. There is absolutely NO kidding in that department.]

ps. Comment or message me to get your very own free iCockroach Nano. I’ll mail them to you. Bloody hell.

Once a year, when the moon is just right, and the sun hits the Earth in a most exact and meticulous position, the stars line up and BAM. Itz yo’ birffday.

It happens rather unexpectedly. For some at least. I include myself in this bunch. Cuz I mean, sure you KNOW it’s coming and you prepare for it, but one day you wake up and it’s now officially your birthday. And it’s like “Wow, it’s my birthday”, you know? lol. Whatever. There are some people who just allow their birthday to creep up on them. I’m serious. Some muthas just don’t even KNOW it’s their birthday. Like my cousin. How can you forget your birthday? It’s the easiest day to remember, it’s up there with the 4th of July. One cannot forget the 4th of July, because the Holiday’s name is the date. It’s not like sayyyy…. Labor Day. Who the hell knows when Labor Day is? How are we supposed to know? But 4th of July is ON FREAKING JULY 4. If you forget it, you’re plain stupid. lol.

You know which Holiday is a bitch to keep tabs on? Thanksgiving. That sucker changes dates every single year. You have to go to the calendar and start counting which is the third Thursday of November and then you’ll know. Let me just clarify, that I have no idea if it really IS the third Thursday of November. I could be totally wrong, but it doesn’t really matter. November is like a year away, so I’ve got time to figure Thanksgiving out.

Birthdays, they’re another story. Those you can’t forget, you really can’t. Has anyone really thought about this? Birthdates are powerful, my pretties. Anyone that’s forgotten a birthday knows what I’m talking about. Yeah, there’s hell to pay, because honestly it is a big deal to most people. I forget birthdays all the time, which makes me suck at life. My roommate’s birthday is June 27, and last year, I called her on JULY 27. An entire month later. But honestly, on my defense, June and July are only two letters apart, so it’s not entirely my fault. I’m just saying.

So my birthday’s coming up next Saturday. I hate having my birthday come around, I honestly do… It’s awkward you know? It’s like you THINK it’s your day, but really it isn’t lol. The world doesn’t really care. So you live in this bubble thinking “Wow it’s my day” but yes, sir, you are alone in that bubble. And you know this! You know it isn’t really your day, but you don’t care. You keep on expecting those phone calls… those emails from your long distance friends, those “unexpected” visits from your loved ones… because you, in your oh-so wonderful ignorance, hope that the world will remember that it’s “your” day and will jump on the party wagon and remember it. In the meanwhile, they’re all thinking “Ugh, it’s his birthday, do I really have to call him?” [and you know it’s true, cuz you do it all the time, so don’t even go there] So yeah, you think you’re a celebrity really. You think it’s a national Holiday like… saaaaay… the 4th of July. Or Martin Luther King Day.

But you’re NOT Martin Luther King. And, no, you haven’t freed your country from The Mother Land, so it’s not really as special as you think. So you go one of two ways about it:

a- You swallow a spoonful of reality and come to terms with the fact that people might forget your birthday.

b- You keep believing your birthday is a national Holiday.

I think I’ve done both and, no, it doesn’t get any easier. Option “A” never really works out, because in the back of your mind you always hope they’ll call. Option “B” just sucks because you know how alone you are inside your precious floating bubble, of which you are the KING of. King Regner of the Bubble.

So your birthday comes and you dress up. Because hell, we all know… you dress up; because it’s your birthday, and it IS, after all, a NATIONAL HOLIDAY. It is an event. You have to look good. So the ladies get out the make-up kit and apply their “face”, get their best high heels and start strutting, all the while their huge earings dangle from side to side, a surefire indication that something important is going on…. And the boys, they bathe in cologne, put on a nice little poloshirt and clean their sneakers and off they go… to their destination, wherever that may be. The mall, perhaps.

And to yourself, you feel cool. You’re like “Hell yes, it’s my birrfday, I gotz to look good. Dayum I look good.” And to the rest of the world it’s like “Those hoop earrings are ugly, why is she wearing them?” You know what I’m saying? If you’re going OUT at night, then yes, dressing up is crucial. But during the day,it’s kind of humorous. Hell, I’ve done it. I understand why people do it. But I’ve also been the one to say “Those hoops earrings are ugly, why is she wearing them-” while adding “-especially on her birthday.”

I’ve been the spectator AND the leading actor on this one man show, so I know what I’m talking about. No one cares if its your birthday when you’re at school, so no need to overdress. You overdress and it’s like you’re going to your own party alone. See, if EVERYONE was dressed up at school on your birthday, then CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU, please invite me as well. If not it’s like… “Yeah HE’S glad it’s his birthday. He dress up.” And you’re the only one celebrating. Not that fun.

So what am I going to do? You KNOW I’m probably going to dress up. Hell, it IS my birthday.

As for the celebration.. yeah see, there’s this fear I have. No one comes. It’s really annoying… it’s the one day out of the entire year that people need to be there for you and suddenly they can’t. So I live under this fear lol. I rather NOT celebrate and not have anyone show up, than having a party and risk them not showing up. Because, see, if that happens then I’ll probably end up crying all alone at the beach somewhere while listening to “Where Is Your Heart” by Kelly Clarkson, because LORD knows, she’s the best psychiatrist out there right now. The hell with Freud. Kelly Clarkson. It’s HER students should be reading about.

Anyway, my birthdays are always disastrous. It’s the ONE day of the year you can COUNT that the good Lord will be sending rain. You need rain for your crops? Ask me to go to your farm on January 13. If you see me walking around on my birthday, please by all means, get an umbrella. Not a rain coat [raincoats aren’t very attractive, and they flatten your hair and they just feel gross]. I’m like a walking rain dance. A Native American rain dance lol. Perhaps it’s in my blood, even though I’m not Native American. But you really don’t know where your true roots are. Puerto Ricans, we’re all mixed, so who knows.

Last year I had a rooftop part at the beach. It was hell. It was hell if hell was undergoing some serious rain. I’m just saying. It never works out. If Physicists are right, and the Earth is undergoing the phenomenon called ENTROPY [everything is leading to detereoration], then I guess that same principle has to be applied to my birthday. I’m getting older, so I’m slowly dying… and my birthdays are always bad, and get worse year after year… Then the big 22 should be no different lol. I think I should stop celebrating you know? I think I should stop celebrating, and hope not to live too long, just to make sure that my existance doesn’t contribute to the deteoration of this planet and its weak ozone layer.

Seriously. Let’s stop destroying that layer ok? We don’t REALLY need hair spray. Good God.

For the first time in a year, I am a free from classes, and I am seriously thrilled. A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulder.. like… the weight of this solar system has been lifted off my shoulders. And my, do I have wonderous shoulders now.

On more recent events, I had my design presentation yesterday. My “professor” was supposed to get there at 10:30 am, so I could present right? But he wasn’t there at 10:30am. So I just sat there in the class room looking at my presentation seeing all the things that were wrong thinking to myself “I’m getting screwed over today.” Upset, because the clock now chimed 11:00 am and my “professor” still wasn’t there, I began to think of reasons of why he was late. I began wondering why he was doing it, and decided “He’s doing it to piss me off.”

Let me tell you, it is not a fun feeling to sit in a classroom after 9 months of waiting to present, and not have your “professor” there to hurry up and grade you. It’s been 9 months of hell, could we please no longer prolong the AGONY of this horrible project? Is that so much to ask, I don’t think so. The classroom was frigid, like seriously I’m talking subzero temperatures and then some. And as penguins, polar bears, and one or two eskimos passed by me, I began to want to kill my beloved “professor” once again. “Regner, perish the thought.” I told myself.

So there I sat! Like a moron. A real live moron, ladies and gentlemen :) I only had like 3 hours of sleep in like…. what? 7 weeks. Yeah, that’s about right. So just imagine me, not having slept in months, sitting on a black chair in an Arctic classroom with a bunch of blue prints in front of him. All alone. Can someone say autism? “Autism”… Thank you.

“Where is he?! He’s probably relaxing somewhere thinking of ways to set me up.” and in that moment I asked myself, “Regner… seriously, why must you be so pessimistic? Why can’t you give him the benefit of the doubt and for a second consider that something could have happened to him.” And that’s when I realized “Evil doesn’t die so easily.” So obviously, I dismissed the idea and continued to hate him in my silence lol. It was a bit fun because I began to think of things to do to get even. Mark my words, one of these late late nights he WILL get a blocked ID call from someone screaming the word “Asshole” from the top of his lungs. Not very mature, but hey, entertainment is what it is.

So minutes passed and hours passed and my “professor” was way past fashionably late and went straight into Satan mode, because I swear, only Satan himself is cabable of pissing off someone as bad as he did to me. But hey, I could be overreacting. He was, after all, only two and a half hours late.

That’s not alot right? Right. I swear I must have snared at him several times during my presentation, But alas, the “O” Project, as I have baptized it, is finally born and I am quite proud of it. My model was beautiful, if I do say so myself, and my project is very sophisticated and lovely. And as my “professor” said the words “I’m going to gave you the A.’” , my heart was elated and my spirit soared. I was an eagle that was about to swoop down and rip his head off and feed it to its offspring. Eyeballs and everything.

So here it is, ladies and gentlemen… “O” Project:

“You’re in your fourth year and you don’t know how to draw properly. After the fourth year, you’re supposed to go and get a job at an architecture office and if YOU had presented these drawings at the office, you would get fired.” …Or so my design “professor” told me this afternoon, after he was 45 minutes late to my presentation. I simply stared in schock at these words. Not because I was offended, because I wasn’t lol… but because I had simply nothing to say. It was as if something evil had sucked the life out of me. So I just stared. I stared and then told him “Yeah ok.”

He has absolutely no proof I’d get fired. Anyway, he got fired from the Architecture School this semester so he’s one to talk lol. It’s not like he’s any better. I rather have bad drawings than be a mediocre “professor”. Boo. Ya.

I’ve decided on what my Christmas present should be. I’ve been a good boy this year for the most part. I mean… I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink, I haven’t killed anyone and and I’ve stayed out of trouble for the most part. Sure, I’ve had one or two accidents during this year [flashes back to the car crash, the speeding ticket, the animals that have been squashed by the car tires, and to the time I almost got ran over last week], but who on this planet hasn’t. To balance these accidents out, I think I should point out that I’ve endured countless insults from my “professor”. Honestly. The year 2006 has been hard on us, it really has. Ask Joixa. She’s having a hell of a year. I think I’m ready to tell Santa what I desire this year.

bam!

Oh yes baby. That’s what I want. First order of business would be to get a new parking space at my apartment building because it just so happens that my current parking space is minute. My Wrangler fits perfectly because it’s a 2 door Wrangler. But this beauty is quite big, so yeah I’d get a new parking.

“Yes, excuse me Miss… I need a new parking. See my brand new Jeep doesn’t fit in my old parking. Hand over a new parking space, love.” I wouldn’t mind going to the administration office and tell them this. I wouldn’t. The lady that administers to these issues would probably look at me weird and whisper to herself the word “Prick” and then spit on my face. I’d then go into a state of shock once again and simply stare at her, like I did with my “professo”. And then I’d wait until I’d see her crossing the street and use her body as a speed bump. Ok, wait that’s not really going to happen.

You know what will happen though. Right? Santa’s getting me a new Jeep. That’s likely to happen. Yes, it’ll be green or yellow and it’ll be my best friend. I’ll drive it everywhere and kiss the steering wheel everytime I’d get in, just so I can greet it. I’ll wake up on Christmas Morn and see keys under the tree. A big silver bow will decorate the top of my Jeep and I’ll live happily ever after, and trust me, these things are possible. So Santa’s getting me a new Jeep… because that’s much more likely to happen.

When I woke up this morning feeling like I wanted to vomit, I should have known it was a sure-fire indication of what was to be expected during the entire day. Trust me, waking up feeling like everything you’ve ever eated wants to gush out of your mouth at extreme speeds is not a fun feeling. Especially when you’ve just woken up. It’s like “Hi. Good morning, I’m PUKE, and I want to leave your body. Have a great day, Regner.” Yes thanks, it has started marvelously.

Moving ON- You know how sometimes in life we start projects that never seem to end? You know. Everyone’s done one at some point. It could be anything really… scrapbooking, painting the living room, doing your garden… designing an apartment complex. Anything. Well yeah, unfinished projects are one of life’s most unenjoyable things. That and ghonorrea, I imagine, but I have no experience in the latter, so I just hypothesize. I’m just saying. Sometimes things just have to END.

It’s been 8 months since I was assigned my latest burden: the apartment complex we had to design. Yes, 8 months I’ve been working on that piece of crap and I hate it. I hate everything about it. Beautiful building, yes, but I hate it. Eight months is way too much time, and it never ends, you know? Do you KNOW what 8 months is? By December, my project will be 9 months old. Do you have any idea what this is?! It means that If this project was a human freaking BABY, I should be giving birth in like 2 weeks. I’m dead serious. My project is a baby, my mind is the whomb and I, Regner, am the dearest MOMMY who should be glowing. I, however, am not glowing, I am nauseous.

Being the responsible young man that I am, i go off to print out my latest drawings at this evil place called “Instant Print”. Instant being the operative word here. Ok, instant WHATEVER. I waited for what seemed to be my entire lifetime, but whatever. I survived. What a shocker lol. Sooooo I was going to pay for my 6 drawings when all of a sudden “DECLINED”. My card was declined.That really topped it off. From that point on a complete sense of helplesness overcame me. From this point on, I realized…”I’m poor.” From that point on, I knew that the day was definitely going to go awfully awry.

Had I a tail… it would be in between my legs… and then some. I walked away and decided it was time to head to school. I put on my earphones, begin to listen to my sweet music on my iPod. I’m walking oh SO cool man. OH so cool. That’s when I almost got hit by a car.

I didn’t even NOTICE that my life was about to end. My music kept me too occupied. The only indication of my near death experience? Loud, vulgar construction workers. I guess the stereotypes for Puerto Rican construction workers are true. They began yelling at me… probably profanities, I couldn’t tell. I could only see their taunting faces making fun of me for nearly suffering a tragic death… hit by a car while crossing the street. THAT would have been grand. Books, sunglasses, and crap flying everywhere, while the stupid construction workers show me a smile through their yellow teeth. Yep, that’s how I want to die.

But I just kept on walking, you know? Never mind the fact that everyone on the street saw that I had almost gotten hit by a CAR. Never mind that I have $9.11 on my account. I just kept on walking. Because you know what? At the end of the day, the sun keeps on shining, and the birds keep on chirping and all I can do… is walk. ~snorts~ lol OKAY.

88 degrees farenheit in San Juan, Puerto Rico, according to the weather guide. Eighty-eight. Umm, that’s a lot, and also, completely incorrect. Had it been 88 degrees, I would not have broken into a puddle of sweat two minutes after leaving my apartment building. Seriously, I don’t know who decides to rate these temperature-telling devices, I’ve been told it’s thermometers, but I do believe we are in dire need of some serious fine-tuning.

I was walking to school today and quickly noticed that I was in fact 75% water, as scientists say. I began perspirating and perspirating and perspirating. GOODNESS, it’s late September, when will the temperature change, you know? Enough is enough, Lord. You’ve made your point with this heat, now can we pleaaaase move on to December? I cannot continue walking to school with wet clothes, I cannot. I’m sick and tired of it, and it’s cruel and unjust. Sure, I could DRIVE, but I’d be contributing to global warming as I’d be using my car innecessarily. There’s also the fact that the parking here sucks and that gas prices are not people-friendly. I’m currently undergoing a difficult time in my life where I find myself unable to spend as much money as I would like. This includes gas. So walking it is.

I’ve always walked to school. It’s just easier. “Easier” I should say. It’s rather uncomfortable to walk by people who do not seem to sweat at all, while you, yourself, are wet from head to toe. And I wasn’t even wearing my tight jeans today! Ok, they’re a little tight, but they’re not tiiiiight. Wearing tight jeans in high temperatures? Not a good idea. I first realized what a stupid idea it was the day I went to Old San Juan with my friends. You guys should remember the entry. I even added a slideshow, so you better remember. If not, look it up in the August archives. So yeah, anyway. That day was quite hot and I realized and TOLD myself, “Regner, you may never again wear skinny leg jeans to go to Old San Juan.”

A world of good that did me.

When oz came to Puerto Rico, we indeed DID go to Old San Juan during the afternoon. While the sun was setting. Beautiful afternoon, yes, but what was Reggles wearing? That’s right. Skinny leg jeans. I think we all know what happened. Puddle of sweat. You can ask oz, who was dying too. We had to go get something to drink.

So here I am in the library writing this entry, while casually glancing to the side. I am furthermore able to appreciate the beautiful day that we are having today and I’m thinking to myself “You have to walk back to the apartment now.” On my way there, I will sweat like a mutha aaaalll over again, and the story will repeat itself until May cometh. When classes end.

Which reminds me, it’s only September, I have not taken ONE single quiz/test, and I am already looking forward to May. There is absolutely nothing that can console me. Except the thought of December vacations.

Ah, Winter Wonderland. The stunning temperature drops will cool as ALL down, for instead of it being 88 degrees, we will be exposed to, a plunging, 85 degree weather. I hear it might snow this year, but we’ll see.

xReggles

Seeing as to how I’m not good-looking enough, nor talented enough to be a Hollywood actor, my dreams of being on tv are reduced to Reality Television. Ha! I joke. No, but seriously it seems most anyone can be on TV nowadays, just as long as you are a REALITY TELEVISION star.

Exhibit A: Flava Flave.

Flave used to be a rapper way back in the day. The 80s, I think. However, after VH1 resurrected him from burn-out obscurity on their show “The Surreal Life”, a monster was created. I think this picture speaks for itself. He’s absolutely grotesque. And he has golden teeth. That can be removed.

Exhibit B: Ana Nicole Smith

The definition of a lady, Ana Nicole Smith. She used to pose nude for Playboy and things of that nature. She has little to no grace, Ana Nicole lol. Also, a resurrection from obscurity, Ms. Smith won popularity again when E! gave Ana Nicole her own show, “The Ana Nicole Show”. Or something like that. By the show, she was quite heavy. Which brings us to her next and latest tv exploitation. The famous American gym, Balley’s, hired Ana Nicole as their spokesperson. And that’s when she got “hot” again.

Exhibit C: Adrienne Curry

After winning the million-dollar contract in the first cycle of America’s Next Top Model, it seemed like Adrienne was on her way to becoming the next Tyra Banks. Or so we thought. That is until we saw her fall in love with freakin’ Peter Brady on VH1’s “The Surreal Life”. And even though she IS a model and WORKS as one, I think all of America is pretty disturbed on a weekly basis when we see her on “My Fair Brady”. ALSO, VH1’s creation. It’s about how much Peter Brady (Cristopher Knight) and Adrienne love each other. It’s basically them fighting over wedding plans. And, of course, whether Peter Brady will have a vasectomy or not. On a side note, I think it’s pretty clear that Cristopher Knight needs therapy, as he makes poor Adrienne cry daily. Cristopher, if you’re reading this, please treat her right. She’s 21 and stupid, and is still completely oblivious to the fact that you treat her like crap. You old, old man.

I think we’re in dire need of some quality reality tv shows, here in the United States (with the exception of some wonderful shows. Like MTV’s “The Hills”). I, pesonally, am starting to believe that VH1 should relinquish it’s right to reality television shows, as they are not that great. MTV, however… that’s where it’s at. Which brings me to my next point.

Getting to know my very good friend Oz, has been really significant in my life. He’s one of the greatest guys I know, and I’m thrilled to have his friendship. Back when we started talking, I always thought of how awesome it would be if he and I had a show that documented our experiences as friends when we meet someday. Now that this idea has become a bit more tangible, I decided I would have nothing to lose by emailing MTV.

And here is the letter I sent. lol.

Why hello there… I’m well aware of the fact that you might be looking for people in New York, but let’s try something else. lol. May I share something with you? Thank you kindly.

Hi, My name is Regner :)

(Yes it’s a weird name, I’m aware. And yes, it’s a guy’s name lol.)

A few months ago I received an infamous Myspace Friend Request from a guy named Oz. We immediately hit it off and since then, have become hardcore friends. I’d do anything for my bud, and I’m sure he’d do the same for me. So here we are four months later after that first myspace message was sent, planning something really awesome, something really special. Something that will change everything, due to one tiiinnyy little reason.

Oz and I have never met.

Having a best friend that lives in England while you, yourself, live in Puerto Rico (in the Caribbean JUST IN CASE, holla what) can get quite tricky at times. See, it’s not only the PERSONAL differences, but also the cultural differences that make the friendship that much more interesting and that much more unique. We haven’t known each other for that long, but our friendship has grown so much that we have both decided we’re going to meet by the end of this summer.

Soooo, Oz will be visiting the island in September. It should be nothing short of amazing meeting my friend for the first time. I imagine our friendship will be so much more solid after this. When he arrives, I’ll be giving him the Puerto Rican experience, showing him the ropes, our cuisine, our culture, our spirit.

Then in winter, I shall be off to beautiful England to go roadtrip the United Kingdom with Oz. As part of our trip, we’ll be checking out the University of Manchester, where we both plan on going to school; Oz to pursue his bachelors, while I’ll be going after my postgraduate studies as a Master of Architecture. Bua ha ha, fancy no? lol. It sounds awesome, though.

This trip is going to be crucial! If all goes well and we find it right, I’ll be joining Oz at Uni of Manchester in Fall of 2008, going on my first year of Masters. By then, Oz will be going on his second year.

So… why me (or US, rather), you ask? Well… During the course of these past four months, Oz and I have found something really special in our friendship. What I share with him is unique and I find it hard putting it into words, as it is something you just feel! Our friendship is almost like a fusion of two completely different cultures and personalities that are just… connected.

We invite you, MTV, to document our experience. From the moments where we prepare for our trips, to the moment we step foot on each other’s countries. We invite you to capture the moment where two friends meet for the first time and see each other’s faces live and up front for the very first time. Come tour Puerto Rico and England with us, as Oz and I discover not only what our friendship is about, but also what WE’RE about.

x Regner

A pleasure sharing my story with you; although this isn’t what you guys are really looking for, I wanted to send the story just in case it interests you. There are no Casting Calls for something like this yet. And there should be lol.

So yes, I emailed MTV at various addresses. I also went to NBC, UPS, and some other stations to see if they had any Show Suggestions, but alas they didn’t. Oz doesn’t seem too fond on the idea of having a show, but you know what? It’s ok, because we’re not going to get picked anyway lol [and of course, I say this with hope in my heart that I may be oh-so wrong].

If any of you can make this happen, then e-mail me, sexies. Don’t let oz know, though. Also, if I see a tv show like the oz and regner show, and WE’RE not the people on camera, I will submit a NEW story line to MTV. It’s about this boy who embarks on a quest to find a thief and dump him in the sea for plagierizing his original show idea. Also reality television. lol. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to look at myself in the mirror and practice my smile.

So, Reggles has picked up on the weird relationship between American-English and Real-English in his last post (the context being his attention-seeking “sneakers”).

Firstly I am going to highlight a sample of spelling differences which has bred confusion in this globalised world:

British — American
centre — center
cheque — check
grey —– gray
kerb —– curb (wait who spells curb as kerb anyway?!)
pyjamas - pajamas
tyre —— tire

As a Brit, I myself get brainwashed by American-English which gets me in trouble when it comes to important exams. You know they assess your english writing and communication ability in every subject, which includes correct spelling. So if I was to write “some people prefer gray to lightbulbs” I may lose a mark… probably not but this is serious! Society is evolving such that American spelling is inflicting upon my life in a negative manner. As a webdesigner I must write center over the correct version, centre. The same goes for color. And pajamas - when I decide to write it - but that’s a weird word either way. That spelling should be pronounced pa-jam-as.. afterall that is how its spelt! But no… some old and dead English academics had to make it difficult.

I vote for an English language revolution.

Let’s spell things how they should be pronounced - isn’t that logical? Why spell trough, well as trough, when it’s pronounced troff not trow?! I think a time will come, soon, when American-English and British-English will be combined and under the UN a new Proper-English shall be founded. It’s not fair on non-english speakers trying to learn English, or on us English speakers! So it would be much better, for the harmony of the world, if one universal english language version was founded.

Perhaps there should be one universal language period. Think of the time wasted in schools teaching kids how to speak, write and read French, Spanish, Swahili and English when one language (English.. because its easier for me) would be much more efficient! So let’s do it.

Edit: It appears that attempts have already been made - the langauge of esperanto! No one seems to bothered by this though, so we can still work on ours :)

I’ll start the first word of our new 21st centuary language and everyone else can sort out the remainder of our dictionary:

Trainers: general purpose or sports shoes.

In fact it appears I have just defined into our language 5 or 6 words. See how easy it is! This’ll take no time.